The Longing to Belong
It's with some trepidation that I start to write this particular blog. The subject matter is rather sensitive, and I suspect it's inevitable that some of what I write here will distress, annoy or even offend some good friends whom I certainly have no wish to alienate.
I shall, as always, strive to write as truthfully as I can, but given that I am expressing an inner struggle which involves some complex and (I have no doubt) confused and confusing thoughts and emotions, it's possible that some of the nuances of my thinking may be expressed rather clumsily. I hope, therefore, that any readers particularly affected by the issues I raise will feel able to recognise this clumsiness for what it is, and indeed to forgive it, rather than seeing it as mere insensitivity. Nevertheless, I apologise in advance for any hurt that is unwittingly caused, and robust responses will. of course, be welcome!
Over recent days I have read some interesting and at times rather lively Facebook posts regarding the status of women priests at the Anglican Shrine of Our Lady of Walsingham. The Shrine's position is very clear; it holds to a traditionalist view and cannot therefore in conscience accept the sacramental ministry of women priests or bishops.
I know that this is inevitably a cause of pain and distress to many Catholic-minded female priests who are profoundly devoted to Our Lady. Indeed for many years, despite having always had an enormous affection for Walsingham, I deliberately stayed away as a sign of my solidarity with those whose priestly ministry isn't even recognised, let alone welcomed and affirmed.
My mind was changed as I talked with a number of women priest friends who told me that they saw little point in my denying myself that which was denied to them. Indeed they urged me to re-establish my links with the Shrine on the basis that it shouldn't be permitted to become a total 'no-go area' for those of us who affirm women priests, and in the hope that change might eventually come through our presence and involvement there. I therefore signed up as a Priest Associate and started to attend the annual Priests and Deacons Retreat, and this year I led a weekend pilgrimage from our parish which was hugely popular and a real source of blessing to those who attended.
Upon renewing my acquaintance with the Shrine, I realised just how much it means to me and how much I had missed it. It had played a key role in the development of my vocation; it had been a place of healing and renewal on many occasions, and I had reason to be grateful for the ministrations of various past shrine clergy. It's good to be back, and it feels like my spiritual home.
One reason that I love the place so much - besides its prayerful ambience - is, ironically, its uncompromising Catholicism. Walsingham positively basks in the riches of the Catholic faith, with all the mystery, devotion, joy and (let's face it) occasional camp silliness that this entails. This is what speaks so profoundly to all who visit with open hearts and minds. I say 'ironically' because, of course, traditionalists would argue that their rejection of women priests is part of this uncompromising Catholicism. On that we obviously disagree.
I have to say, however, that I am increasingly saddened at the way in which the Church of England compromises more and more upon its Catholic identity in terms of its ecclesiology, its liturgical practice, its theology and its approach to 'priestly formation'. Traditionalists will say that this process - which undoubtedly began many decades ago - was accelerated by the decision to ordain women and thus part company with traditional catholic order, and that the C of E effectively 'threw the baby out with the bathwater'.
Personally, I think the increasingly Protestant (even Puritan) trajectory on which the C of E is now set, is much more the result of the emergence of a brand of evangelicalism that is actually totally at odds with the 'broad-church' spirit and tolerance of true Anglicanism. Archbishop Michael Ramsey - the last truly great and prophetic leader we had - expressed his concern at this development.
Be that as it may, many of us who proudly bear the label 'Catholic' - lay and ordained, male and female - feel increasingly dispossessed in an institution that too often regards good liturgy at best with suspicion and at worst with total disdain. Perhaps some of this is indeed attributable to some of those women who have been ordained (I've certainly met plenty who have very strange views) but it is, I believe, grossly unfair to place the blame entirely on the ordination of women as the process began long before they were ordained, and there are plenty of male priests and bishops who have played their part in all this.
This leaves me with a dilemma. Where in the Church of England do I truly belong (if indeed I still belong here at-all)?
The honest and disturbing answer is that I increasingly feel most at home in a traditionalist Catholic environment. Whilst I'm not prepared to join the traditionalist Society of St Hilda and Wilfrid as this would be a betrayal of my many fine female clergy friends as well as a denial of my own commitment to inclusivity, I am neither prepared nor able to compromise on my Catholic convictions nor to abandon my Catholic identity. This is the uncomfortable position in which many 'inclusive' or 'affirming' Catholics find themselves. Wherever we go, somehow we are now always the outsiders.
For me a partial resolution of this problem came through joining the Sodality of Mary, Mother of Priests (SMMS) - a dispersed community of priests - both male and female - who hold to an uncompromising Catholicism whilst also embracing the principles of inclusion. (Surely the words 'catholic' and 'inclusive' are synonymous?) I am enormously grateful to be part of this growing community of like-minded clergy, and it is my hope that the Sodality will somehow play a role in bridging the gap that currently exists between the two strands of Anglo-Catholicism. If the C of E is to genuinely remain part of the one, holy, catholic and apostolic Church. I think it is vital that these two groups must set aside what divides them and build solidly on what unites them.
In the meantime, like so many other people for so many varied reasons, I long to belong and to feel that I belong. .
I shall, as always, strive to write as truthfully as I can, but given that I am expressing an inner struggle which involves some complex and (I have no doubt) confused and confusing thoughts and emotions, it's possible that some of the nuances of my thinking may be expressed rather clumsily. I hope, therefore, that any readers particularly affected by the issues I raise will feel able to recognise this clumsiness for what it is, and indeed to forgive it, rather than seeing it as mere insensitivity. Nevertheless, I apologise in advance for any hurt that is unwittingly caused, and robust responses will. of course, be welcome!
Over recent days I have read some interesting and at times rather lively Facebook posts regarding the status of women priests at the Anglican Shrine of Our Lady of Walsingham. The Shrine's position is very clear; it holds to a traditionalist view and cannot therefore in conscience accept the sacramental ministry of women priests or bishops.
I know that this is inevitably a cause of pain and distress to many Catholic-minded female priests who are profoundly devoted to Our Lady. Indeed for many years, despite having always had an enormous affection for Walsingham, I deliberately stayed away as a sign of my solidarity with those whose priestly ministry isn't even recognised, let alone welcomed and affirmed.
My mind was changed as I talked with a number of women priest friends who told me that they saw little point in my denying myself that which was denied to them. Indeed they urged me to re-establish my links with the Shrine on the basis that it shouldn't be permitted to become a total 'no-go area' for those of us who affirm women priests, and in the hope that change might eventually come through our presence and involvement there. I therefore signed up as a Priest Associate and started to attend the annual Priests and Deacons Retreat, and this year I led a weekend pilgrimage from our parish which was hugely popular and a real source of blessing to those who attended.
Upon renewing my acquaintance with the Shrine, I realised just how much it means to me and how much I had missed it. It had played a key role in the development of my vocation; it had been a place of healing and renewal on many occasions, and I had reason to be grateful for the ministrations of various past shrine clergy. It's good to be back, and it feels like my spiritual home.
One reason that I love the place so much - besides its prayerful ambience - is, ironically, its uncompromising Catholicism. Walsingham positively basks in the riches of the Catholic faith, with all the mystery, devotion, joy and (let's face it) occasional camp silliness that this entails. This is what speaks so profoundly to all who visit with open hearts and minds. I say 'ironically' because, of course, traditionalists would argue that their rejection of women priests is part of this uncompromising Catholicism. On that we obviously disagree.
I have to say, however, that I am increasingly saddened at the way in which the Church of England compromises more and more upon its Catholic identity in terms of its ecclesiology, its liturgical practice, its theology and its approach to 'priestly formation'. Traditionalists will say that this process - which undoubtedly began many decades ago - was accelerated by the decision to ordain women and thus part company with traditional catholic order, and that the C of E effectively 'threw the baby out with the bathwater'.
Personally, I think the increasingly Protestant (even Puritan) trajectory on which the C of E is now set, is much more the result of the emergence of a brand of evangelicalism that is actually totally at odds with the 'broad-church' spirit and tolerance of true Anglicanism. Archbishop Michael Ramsey - the last truly great and prophetic leader we had - expressed his concern at this development.
Be that as it may, many of us who proudly bear the label 'Catholic' - lay and ordained, male and female - feel increasingly dispossessed in an institution that too often regards good liturgy at best with suspicion and at worst with total disdain. Perhaps some of this is indeed attributable to some of those women who have been ordained (I've certainly met plenty who have very strange views) but it is, I believe, grossly unfair to place the blame entirely on the ordination of women as the process began long before they were ordained, and there are plenty of male priests and bishops who have played their part in all this.
This leaves me with a dilemma. Where in the Church of England do I truly belong (if indeed I still belong here at-all)?
The honest and disturbing answer is that I increasingly feel most at home in a traditionalist Catholic environment. Whilst I'm not prepared to join the traditionalist Society of St Hilda and Wilfrid as this would be a betrayal of my many fine female clergy friends as well as a denial of my own commitment to inclusivity, I am neither prepared nor able to compromise on my Catholic convictions nor to abandon my Catholic identity. This is the uncomfortable position in which many 'inclusive' or 'affirming' Catholics find themselves. Wherever we go, somehow we are now always the outsiders.
For me a partial resolution of this problem came through joining the Sodality of Mary, Mother of Priests (SMMS) - a dispersed community of priests - both male and female - who hold to an uncompromising Catholicism whilst also embracing the principles of inclusion. (Surely the words 'catholic' and 'inclusive' are synonymous?) I am enormously grateful to be part of this growing community of like-minded clergy, and it is my hope that the Sodality will somehow play a role in bridging the gap that currently exists between the two strands of Anglo-Catholicism. If the C of E is to genuinely remain part of the one, holy, catholic and apostolic Church. I think it is vital that these two groups must set aside what divides them and build solidly on what unites them.
In the meantime, like so many other people for so many varied reasons, I long to belong and to feel that I belong. .
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