Travelling in Unison : Spiritual Accompaniment
When I was an ordinand at Chichester Theological College, all students were required (quite rightly) to have a Spiritual Director. The Staff Chapter kindly provided a list of local - and not so local - clergy who might fulfil this role.
I duly selected a name off the list - a name which meant absolutely nothing to me other than the fact that he was Vicar of a nearby parish - and in due course met with the priest concerned. I found him to be a rather cold fish. I couldn't get any sense of what made him 'tick' and, most important of all, I had a sneaking suspicion that he wouldn't be terribly gay-friendly. As I was struggling to make sense of how my sexuality and vocation fitted together, it was important to me to have a Spiritual Director with whom I could be honest about such things. (Most of my fellow students, I must add, told me that this was absurd and that I shouldn't tell anyone about my sexuality. It was the early 1980s, and 'Don't ask; don't tell' was the order of the day.)
I quickly decided that this relationship wasn't going to work, so I tried another priest, this time further afield, in London. I had been assured that he was sympathetic on the gay issue. Indeed he was, but he had previously been Principal of another theological college, and spent most of our first session interrogating me about how Chichester was being run and telling me how much more efficiently he'd run it. He also had a good moan about his parish and how difficult some of the people were. This wasn't going to work either.
Eventually another student told me about a priest in Brighton whom he felt would be helpful. As soon as I met with him, I instinctively knew that he was the right person to accompany me on my spiritual journey. I knew I could be honest and open with him about anything and everything. He was a good listener, intuitive and empathic, but he could also be provocative and challenging. He was a tremendous support to me throughout my three years in training.
Since Ordination I've had several Spiritual Directors, most of whom have been very good and one of whom was useless as she spent most of our time together talking about herself and name-dropping.
Thankfully, for the last fourteen years or so I have been blessed with a wonderful Spiritual Director who has been a true Soul Friend through all the ups and downs of my life and ministry. When I first met with him, I was tentatively returning to full time ministry after an absence of fifteen years. I was, for various reasons, bruised by things that had happened in my personal life - including a previous relationship which had turned very sour and ended badly, and battered by a Church that couldn't cope with gay clergy - or to be more precise - with gay clergy who were honest. He patiently helped me to work through all of these past hurts and to explore their implications for my relationship with God and my ongoing ministry.
I remember leaving him after one particularly 'heavy' and cathartic session and realising how loved and supported I had felt as we talked. I thought to myself, "That's the kind of conversation I can imagine having with Jesus". I suspect that is proof that I was talking with the right person! He has certainly continued to be a huge support and encouragement to my ministry, and I dread the day when I may have to look for a new Spiritual Director.
Given my experiences it's clear to me that being a priest or religious is in itself no automatic qualification for being a Spiritual Director. It is a gift - a vocation, but the efficacy of spiritual accompaniment is also largely dependent upon that indefinable 'chemistry' between the Spiritual Director and Directee.
I am, therefore, rather conflicted about the way that the CofE is currently treating Spiritual Direction. There seems to be something of a trend to 'professionalise' and regulate this ministry. In common with other recent developments within the church that seem to unhealthily mimic secular practice, there now seems to be a fixation on training, qualification and supervision.
I do of course, recognise than anyone who is involved in a demanding; challenging and sensitive ministry - which Spiritual Direction undoubtedly is - will want to avail themselves of appropriate training and to ensure that they in turn have proper support and accompaniment (but please not the clinical terminology of 'supervision'). I realise too that lay people who may be gifted in this area of ministry but who are not otherwise tied into all the safeguarding mechanisms of today's church will need to have their ministry formally recognised in some way; but I am aware of people I know - both ordained and lay - who have become 'qualified' or 'accredited' Spiritual Directors whom, frankly, I wouldn't trust with my shopping list, let alone the intimate details of my life and my relationship with God. I gather that it is now also the custom in most dioceses to have a list of recommended Spiritual Directors. Whilst they may be a useful starting-point and will doubtless include some excellent people, I suspect that those lists are sometimes of as much use as that well-intentioned list we were given at Chichester.
Spiritual Direction is not counselling. Spiritual Direction is not Social Work. It involves skills that can certainly be sharpened with training, but I don't believe that it's something that can be learned. Above all Spiritual Direction is a work of the Holy Spirit and is dependent upon that indefinable 'chemistry' that enables two individuals to communicate at the most profound level. It is a ministry to be taken seriously, and none should enter into lightly or selfishly but reverently and responsibly in the sight of Almighty God. It is, I believe, a ministry that cannot and should not be tightly regulated or controlled, for this would surely put a stranglehold on the work of the Holy Spirit.
I duly selected a name off the list - a name which meant absolutely nothing to me other than the fact that he was Vicar of a nearby parish - and in due course met with the priest concerned. I found him to be a rather cold fish. I couldn't get any sense of what made him 'tick' and, most important of all, I had a sneaking suspicion that he wouldn't be terribly gay-friendly. As I was struggling to make sense of how my sexuality and vocation fitted together, it was important to me to have a Spiritual Director with whom I could be honest about such things. (Most of my fellow students, I must add, told me that this was absurd and that I shouldn't tell anyone about my sexuality. It was the early 1980s, and 'Don't ask; don't tell' was the order of the day.)
I quickly decided that this relationship wasn't going to work, so I tried another priest, this time further afield, in London. I had been assured that he was sympathetic on the gay issue. Indeed he was, but he had previously been Principal of another theological college, and spent most of our first session interrogating me about how Chichester was being run and telling me how much more efficiently he'd run it. He also had a good moan about his parish and how difficult some of the people were. This wasn't going to work either.
Eventually another student told me about a priest in Brighton whom he felt would be helpful. As soon as I met with him, I instinctively knew that he was the right person to accompany me on my spiritual journey. I knew I could be honest and open with him about anything and everything. He was a good listener, intuitive and empathic, but he could also be provocative and challenging. He was a tremendous support to me throughout my three years in training.
Since Ordination I've had several Spiritual Directors, most of whom have been very good and one of whom was useless as she spent most of our time together talking about herself and name-dropping.
Thankfully, for the last fourteen years or so I have been blessed with a wonderful Spiritual Director who has been a true Soul Friend through all the ups and downs of my life and ministry. When I first met with him, I was tentatively returning to full time ministry after an absence of fifteen years. I was, for various reasons, bruised by things that had happened in my personal life - including a previous relationship which had turned very sour and ended badly, and battered by a Church that couldn't cope with gay clergy - or to be more precise - with gay clergy who were honest. He patiently helped me to work through all of these past hurts and to explore their implications for my relationship with God and my ongoing ministry.
I remember leaving him after one particularly 'heavy' and cathartic session and realising how loved and supported I had felt as we talked. I thought to myself, "That's the kind of conversation I can imagine having with Jesus". I suspect that is proof that I was talking with the right person! He has certainly continued to be a huge support and encouragement to my ministry, and I dread the day when I may have to look for a new Spiritual Director.
Given my experiences it's clear to me that being a priest or religious is in itself no automatic qualification for being a Spiritual Director. It is a gift - a vocation, but the efficacy of spiritual accompaniment is also largely dependent upon that indefinable 'chemistry' between the Spiritual Director and Directee.
I am, therefore, rather conflicted about the way that the CofE is currently treating Spiritual Direction. There seems to be something of a trend to 'professionalise' and regulate this ministry. In common with other recent developments within the church that seem to unhealthily mimic secular practice, there now seems to be a fixation on training, qualification and supervision.
I do of course, recognise than anyone who is involved in a demanding; challenging and sensitive ministry - which Spiritual Direction undoubtedly is - will want to avail themselves of appropriate training and to ensure that they in turn have proper support and accompaniment (but please not the clinical terminology of 'supervision'). I realise too that lay people who may be gifted in this area of ministry but who are not otherwise tied into all the safeguarding mechanisms of today's church will need to have their ministry formally recognised in some way; but I am aware of people I know - both ordained and lay - who have become 'qualified' or 'accredited' Spiritual Directors whom, frankly, I wouldn't trust with my shopping list, let alone the intimate details of my life and my relationship with God. I gather that it is now also the custom in most dioceses to have a list of recommended Spiritual Directors. Whilst they may be a useful starting-point and will doubtless include some excellent people, I suspect that those lists are sometimes of as much use as that well-intentioned list we were given at Chichester.
Spiritual Direction is not counselling. Spiritual Direction is not Social Work. It involves skills that can certainly be sharpened with training, but I don't believe that it's something that can be learned. Above all Spiritual Direction is a work of the Holy Spirit and is dependent upon that indefinable 'chemistry' that enables two individuals to communicate at the most profound level. It is a ministry to be taken seriously, and none should enter into lightly or selfishly but reverently and responsibly in the sight of Almighty God. It is, I believe, a ministry that cannot and should not be tightly regulated or controlled, for this would surely put a stranglehold on the work of the Holy Spirit.
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